Revenge tastes like nougat
by AlienYak
Summary: Akira does NOT like his b'day pressies, esp. the meaning fraught bhind them. So one day, he seeks vengeance on his flatmate... SHINDOU HIKARU!


REVENGE TASTES LIKE NOUGAT  
  
In his current state of mind, recently turned twenty-one year old Touya Akira could do little but glare at the smoothly polished cooking appliance nestled in both hands, while he mentally sorted through various ways to kill his best friend, searching for the most painful way possible.  
  
"Pegging that baka to death with go stones would be good," he muttered, watching light bounce off the reflective metal surface of his birthday present. A toaster. One that could roast two slices of bread to 4 different degrees of burnt (ranging from mildly charred to ash) and pops up automatically; in other words, a modern toaster designed for someone who could not make toast with an old-fashioned toaster or a grill, yet also acceptable for someone who was knowledgeable about cooking. Further clarified as a toaster both he and his home ec. lessons deprived flat mate could use, without destroying anything too badly.  
  
Five years since they'd moved in together. A medium apartment, with two bedrooms, a study, a lounge, a bathroom, a kitchen, and a balcony. And of course, a goban with stones in practically every room, and a helluva lot of kifu scattered around the place on bookshelves, tables, desks, chairs and every other surface practical to place a 7000 yen collection of game records. The other things in their little pad though were generally considered temporary, and expendable.  
  
The sofa he was currently sitting on had been changed only once, after Shindou had used it as a trampoline. He had been furious, and refused to let the half-blonde pro watch TV for months afterwards. This had resulted in teary tantrums by the other, but it was worth it. Or so Akira had thought...  
  
Touya pursed his lips in a frown. He knew he was difficult to shop for; there was little that interested him outside of go, and he already had everything go related he'd ever need short of go print kitchen mitts and aprons, thanks to the tidy little income he earned from the game. But... a futon for his birthday? Ok, so it was a very comfortable black cushioned futon with little white cushions... but it was a bloody piece of furniture! Best friends do NOT give each other furniture!  
  
Frying pans were mass casualties in their house, especially if Touya was not present for any more that two hours. They had been melted numerous times (around 500 or so), and so, Shindou had hoped to remedy the situation by giving Touya a few hundred of them. Where his best friend mangaed to find a few hundred, Akira did not know. He was not too pleased though... it wasn't as though he needed a few hundred frying pans anyway! Who made him cook?  
  
Then there was the incident with the washing machine, a few days before his birthday. Somehow, the talented Shindou managed to make it internally combust. Of course, they now needed a new one, and it arrived once more, neatly packaged, on his lobby door step. Gullible though he may be at times, the young pro was beginning to catch on that something wasn't quite right. It was a little too suspicious after all... he was beginning to doubt that the washing machine accident was not unintentional, but an evilly pre-planned step.  
  
Like Shindou's go; if you are familiar with it, you'll know something's off about that particular hand, but can't quite place it until Armageddon has arrived and you have to salvage whatever little you can from the damage. Despite Shindou's klutziness, there was something extremely wrong about him screwing up the washing machine so royally after using it for 3 years without incident. ... Apart from dying various clothes different colours and flooding the laundry. Nevertheless, something veeery suspicious was going on.  
  
His present the next year had been a new iron. The older pro had left it on for a little (*cough* two weeks) too long while he was in China visiting his father, causing the iron to melt completely. Ah, the dangers of modern technology. The irony didn't escape him; despite being far more 'traditional' than the up-to-date and trendy Shindou, the latter seemed unable to deal with technology without seriously compromising the health of everyone and everything within 7 metres of him. Or so Shindou would have him think. No, Touya was far too clever to miss the blatant clues left by his flat mate: sly glances from him to the iron and back again while wringing his hands discretely enough to let a blind person notice, shifting everything else (except the ironing board) away and watering the area around the iron to ensure nothing caught fire... devious little-  
  
Now it was the toaster.  
  
'He must really be running out of ideas,' Touya mused, thinking about his old one. Damnit, he'd been quite fond of that thing. That is, until Shindou put a lot dough in it and completely clogged it up while splattering food dye all over the white plastic surface. Apparently, Shindou had wanted to bake bread, but since Touya expressedly forbid him from going with two metres of the oven, he'd opted for the toaster instead. And the food dye? "A little bleaching accident," dismissed Shindou casually. CASUALLY. He'd all but destroyed Touya's precious toaster, and he had the nerve to dismiss it casually! If only homicide was legal...  
  
Of course, the most horrendous and mortifying thing was that everything Shindou had given him was what naïve and clueless husbands or boyfriends usually gave their wives, girlfriends or fiancées, expecting them to cook, clean or iron for them. Ok, so he might look effeminate, and he might live with Shindou, and he might be able to do housework, and he might be rumoured to have a 'relationship' with his best friend, but that didn't bloody mean he had to be treated like a housewife! To top it all off, he had to endure inquiring glances from his neighbours, wondering if he really was Shindou's girlfriend. He was even frequently called 'kawaii onnako' by the old lady on the second floor, something that bugged him to no end.  
  
With a frustrated sigh, he stood up and stalked to the kitchen counter, plugging in the toaster before pulling two slices of bread out of the cupboard to test the new kitchen appliance. He would have glared, but since the toaster was something his best friend had bought, the green-haired pro was not quite sure it would be able to withstand a look of such intensity. Opting instead to stare murderously at the clock set above the counter, he noted that the time was 9:37 pm. Hm... he'd never noticed that little yellow button on the back of the clock before...  
  
POP!  
  
**********  
  
All was quiet in the Touya-Shindou household at 2:49am. Akira moved around the house quietly while waiting for his cab, adjusting various electronic gadgets. His luggage was already packed and set next to the door, along with his keys, ticket to China, passport, wallet, the latest edition of Go Weekly, and... earmuffs?  
  
2:58am. He crossed the three metres between the lounge door and the main entrance. Slipping the ticket and passport into his jacket pocket, the keys and wallet into his jeans, and the luggage and earmuffs (which were thankfully NOT pink) into his hand. Stepping out the door, he slammed it shut smartly behind at 2 hours, 59 minutes and 57 seconds in the morning.  
  
RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRIIIIIIIIIINNNNNNNNNNNNGGGGGGGGGGGG...  
  
Ah, the sweet nougat sound of revenge, as his flatmate fell out of bed with a thump audible even through the walls. A few bumps and curses indicated that Shindou had not bothered to turn on the lamp, and had subsequently crashed into several objects negligently left around. The kitchen alarm clock would take him a while to locate...  
  
BBBBBBBRRRRRRIIIIIINNNNNNNGGGGGGG...  
  
The second alarm clock rang before the first had been switched off. Akira grinned; this one was hidden in his own room, in the furthest room from the kitchen and lounge. The sound -altered to sound suspiciously like the phone- was sure to confuse Shindou, who was still searching for the source of the first noise. And had still not turned on any lights.  
  
RING RING... RING RING... RING RING... RING RING...  
  
Now the real phone sounded. Looking through the phone directory several nights before, the green-haired pro had discovered a very useful service that called you at an arranged time. He had asked that they let the phone ring 70 times or until 'Shindou Hikaru' answered, and to send the bill to Shindou.  
  
anata no hitomi no chikara de watashi wa kawatte yukou kinou no yuraida kimochi wo nugisuteru tame ni...  
  
That was the radio inside Shindou's bedroom. When the older pro was out the previous day, Akira had snuck inside and fiddled with the alarm, so it would turn on automatically at 3:04am instead of 8am, and play at 25 decibels instead of 40. 'At least he's gotten the kitchen alarm to shut up.'  
  
BEEP BEEP BEEP... BEEP BEEP BEEP...  
  
Ah, the last one... Shindou's mobile phone. That would take him a while to turn off; the pin code had been changed, and the language setting was now Ethiopian.  
  
Grinning as wide as a Cheshire Cat now, Akira opened the unlocked door. He was greeted by the sight of Shindou holding a frying pan and smashing practically everything in sight... with the exception of the goban. Catching sight of Touya, he paused.  
  
"Happy birthday Shindou," the younger pro said casually, before stepping back out and snapping the door shut. A thwack told him that his intuition was correct; Shindou had indeed thrown the pan at him. Turning, he bolted down the stairs and into the cab, laughing maniacally and causing the taxi driver to give him very strange looks.  
  
Revenge on September the 20th tastes like nougat.  
  
**********  
  
It is unfortunate to say that Touya forget that his own birthday was only 85 days after Shindou's, ample time for the sneaky and devious one to plot payback. On December the 14th, revenge tasted suspicously like ramen. Topped with a decent serving of...  
  
"WHITE DAY CANDY?!"  
  
++++++++++ owari  
  
============================================================================ ==  
  
it has occured to me if u don't know what white day is, you won't get the ending. In Japan, Valentine's Day is the day where GIRLS only give the... person (usually a guy) they like chocolate. Then on White Day, the person gives the GIRL who gave them valentine's day chocolate white day candy, as a sort of acceptance of love. Somehow, I don't think Touya would appreciate being referred to as a girl, even if it's a shounen-ai situation. This fic isn't officially shounen-ai (maybe hinted?), but come on, they LIVE together. if you want, you can pair them yourself.  
  
onnako is girl (i think). otherwise, i will seriously have to brush up on my Jap.  
  
according to my sources, Shindou's b'day IS Sept. 20, and Touya's IS Dec. 14. And if they're not... ever heard of pretend?  
  
DISCLAIMER: I do not own HnG... *sniffs* 


End file.
